the title is irrelevant

I haven’t been able to quit drinking ’cause life seems extremely boring and disappointing without it sadly, I know how empty having this said makes me sound, I’m not even sorry or ashamed of expressing it.
I like not drinking, I cannot write and make sense whenever I drink. I simply can’t write. It is when I’m fully aware of everything or “sober” when I get the ability to think and express the feelings I reach or the ones I unconsciously try to avoid.
I still remember the words my father told me the other day… “You are not supposed to carry it all, you cannot hold it and you definitely shouldn’t, that’s why there’s a stronger force out there, to lift you up when you cannot stand up anymore. You don’t have to be alone, you never are.”

I am just trying to reborn through my own silence, only allowing the sound of precious instruments guide my heart while I reject the present. I leave the window open, I let all the cold air inside, I like to freeze to recognize that I’m still alive.

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