first of my last year thoughts

I am now supposed to write only happy thoughts and to express myself with positivism. I don’t know if this will count but I’ll surely try…

I’ve been and I am still confused, I’m physically tired and emotionally drained. I don’t know wether I’m slow or I contain too many thoughts.
Have you ever felt so much you cannot separate a single feeling from another? Felt so much you cannot breathe? Have you ever felt so much you feel empty…?
I don’t feel the hunger, I only feel the thirst. There’s so many factors influencing simultaneously between each other…. running so fast like it’s a marathon, so fast I cannot identify any of them. Allow me to see it clear, right before it gets murky.

It’s not a waste of time, it’s an investment in myself.

Take me to the Caribbean and and swim me away, leave with nothing but with the sound inside of the shells, the salt in my lips, the sand in my thighs… an unlocked thought in my mind.
Stop watering me, just before I drown.
Seduce my chaotic self and take me somewhere, leave my mind naked and just cover me in love… hand me that blanket of tranquility you possess.

I’m feeling extremely nauseous but I can feel my heart burnin’, screaming it’s needs, asking me to start taking care of me and to be gentle, soft, to let it rest and pump in a calming rate. And so I will.
I’m so dizzy I know the message is powerful, as if all the toxicity needed to get out as soon as it gets a chance, rapidly. Now it’s my stomach, protesting for my heart’s revenge. This is how and what I’m truly feeling, it’s crazy how literal this is… now my head and extremities unite. My whole body as one, all together now. Stop it throat, stop it lungs, stop it ’cause I’ve heard it all. I’m taking action. I am the action.
My pressure is low, maybe it’s high… all I know is that it is in a unusual place, in a way I cannot interpret… damn…too strong and deep for my body, way too much for the capacity I’ve got to contain.

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