I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately. I guess it’s the switch of medication, perhaps I got used on being more active for the past couple of months. The truth is I won’t write about all the feels I’ve been getting ’cause I don’t feel like explaining, it’s long and I’d have to stay awake for longer and that ain’t something I intend on doing anytime soon.
My biggest desire is to get back my will to sleep gradually.
I’m alive, I’m on Earth, in a body that contains an infinite galaxy. I choose to stay under my own terms of being who I really am, leaving behind all this illusion of what my mind, constant behaviors and strange decisions have created. I am so much more than what I’ve been repeating to myself, completely different from what I made myself believe I was.
I don’t need to follow patterns, I don’t have to continue with what I grew up with, I choose what to follow and how to act… The fact that I was unconsciously taught some manners does not define the path of my life. There’s no reflection nor consequence of previous external causes. I was a simple spectator in the middle of the development of my brain.
I won’t fight the past, I won’t fight the fake reality of my being created through the years. All I’ll do is identify the roots of everything so that I can select what to stay with from a place of awareness.
I’ve been observing someone who I share genes with, nothing but contemplating behaviors, tendencies and reactions from different circumstances. I understand more overtime and I’ve grown enough to allow it to be, not with me, not inside of me, but externally.
We are so good at giving advice on something we fail at.